I got my new passport yesterday.
I am convinced that Passport Canada employs some sort of picture fattening device when they electronically scan and add your photo. I looked at my picture after it was taken (at London Drugs, my favourite store ever) and it didn’t look this bad. Don’t get me wrong, it did look like a passport mug shot, but it was ‘normal’ looking. The picture I ended up with in the passport makes my neck look twice as big as the top of my head. MY NECK IS NOT THAT BIG! I have a triangle as a head.
I have decided that it is part of the government’s plan to help stimulate the Canadian economy. Think about it.
Bureaucrat #1: Now that Canadians need a passport to travel to the States regardless of how they enter, everyone is going to need a passport.
Bureaucrat #2: Imagine all those awful passport photos. It gives me nightmares just thinking about them.
Bureaucrat #1: My last picture was so hideous, I didn’t leave Canada until I could justify applying for a new one.
Bureaucrat #2: Hang on a tick...
Bureaucrat #1: You have that I just had a crazy idea look, Ed. What is it?
Bureaucrat #2: What if we did that for everyone’s photos? Make them so hideous they don’t want to show anyone their passport? They’d be confined to travel within Canada!
Bureaucrat #1: [catching on] Yeah. We’d get more people staying in-country, putting their hard earn money back into the Canadian economy instead of some other economy.
Bureaucrat #2: But how could we get away with doctoring pictures so they look like the people in them but bad?
Bureaucrat #1: What if we used that Mac Photo gallery do-hicky? You know where you can pick those shapes, like fisheye and swirl? There must be something on there we could use to alter the photos but keep them looking like real photos.
Bureaucrat #2: That’s a fabulous idea. I’ll call the bosses right away. We’ll be getting bonuses for sure now!
Well, I’ll show them. I plan to proudly flash my triangle head photo to any customs agent who asks for it.